hikshiks!
tjam setenga 2 pagi yg menyebalkan!!
maag perihhh bangettt.. air mata gw uda kayak air kran yg tinggal di buka dan di biarin tumpah begitu aja.. everything sucks!
i hate this feeling.. but i do f*ckin miss him..
smua orang bilang,gw ga bole sayang dia.. dia ga worth it.. apalah.. apalah.. tp,namanya perasaan.. emang bisa yah gw bener2 control? yg ada klo di control,malah jd keq ngeboongin perasaan gw sendiri.. trus ujung2na stress ndiri,sakit ndiri,maag kumatt..
i need him. i miss him. i dont expect too much from him now. i just wanna meet him. thats all. i do wanna hug him like we used to do.
dia bilang dia ga mau nyakitin gw.. dia bilang dia mau ada di samping gw.. ngejagain gw.. tapi koq jadina begini ? smw orang ga ada yg setuju ama gw.. dan itu terungkap setelah mreka tau gw sudah berakhir.. mreka berpura2 setuju hanya karna pengen liat gw ketawa lagi..
kenapa sihh.. kenapa setiap gw sayang sama orang.. gw berusaha ngasi yang terbaik buat dia.. gw mencoba untuk ngasi dan membuka hati gw.. ujung2na begini.. ?
salah satu sahabat gw yg satu kampus ma gw tp beda lokasi blg ma gw,"apapun skrg yg terjadi. lo ga bole aneh2 lagi keq dulu. lo jg harus bisa buat ga trauma lagi. lo bole nangis. sehari cukup. tp besokna, lanjutin lagi hidup lo." dan, "ren,klo dia ampe ke jkt.. bela2in ke rmh loe.. buat ngmg bae2 sama loe.. buat ngmg sorry ama kakak lo.. LANGSUNG dpan elo.. bole deh lo nangis2.. terharu.. ini? lo yg bolos kuliah.. lo yg ke sini.. masi mau lo tangisin jg?"
gw cm terdiam doank waktu itu.. dont know what to say..
well,skrg ini.. gw ngerasa dia berubah.. tp,dia blg benerna gw yg berubah.. yah ga taw jg sih. cm,ada saatna gw ngerasa keq lagi di "pancing" ma dia.. huff.ff.. fff.. ff… aku pusing!! ~!@#$% !!
klo kakak kodok dan org2 lainna taw gw ms kangen dan masi mikirin dia begini,pasti mreka ngasi ekspresi "pengen-gw-makan-idup-idup-deh-loe". makanya gw diem aja..
viuh.
"yah,gw berdoa yg terbaik aja buat lo lah.. gw cm pgn lo tau,klo gw ms sayangggggggggggggg banget sama loe.. masi kangen sama loe.. gw taw gw ga mungkin milikin elo.. banyak perbedaan jg.. yah. cm pgn lo tau. itu aja."
Uncategorized | Comment (0)im over.
its been a week..
a week from that sin.. that tragedies..
im over now. im totally over.
sometimes i feel like im hurt..
sometimes i feel like i hate him..
sometimes i feel like im angry with him..
with me..
with myself..
sometimes i feel like im a b*tch.. a sl*t or anything..
sometimes i feel like his just playing around with me..
it because the situation.. the condition..
but,still sometimes.. i feel that he do "LOVE" me..
he cares about me..
his talking the truth..
*sigh*
but,sometimes..
i tell myself that everythings gonna be okay..
im strong..
its just a part of a game..
this is the better way for me.. for him.. for us..
better that i know this soon..
*sigh*
no matter what, I MUST BE STRONG.
umm,Sigit.. you must be strong either,dude. i’ll be losing ur funny blog if your not okay,i guess.
"dear God,thanks for sending me,my bestfriends that cares me so much.. thought that they didnt care with me,but im wrong.. they LOVE me. they CARE me. and REALLY know how to LOVE,how to CARE me in the RIGHT WAY. please guide me upon a falling."
Uncategorized | Comment (0)aku stuju.
aku pusingg.. pusing pusing.. gw ga tau lagi mana yg bener.. tp biarpun gw ngerasa smua org mojokin gw.. melihat dia dr sisi negatifna.. tapi, gw uda mutusin.. apapun yg terjadi.. gw akan terima.. sgala konsekuensina..
tuhan,jagain aku yah.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)gulp!
he said, its not all about lust.. there’s love inside.. love that he means sayang.. he said,he feel so comfortable..
he said,he will be more angry than last night.. if i leave him..
but if i rewind every moments.. he talked about his ex gf while we’re spending our time together.. and its kinda hurt me..
huff..
i dont know what to do now.. i dont want to lose him.. i hate to watch somebody leave me..
but i know.. even im missing him like hell.. i will always be nobody for him.. coz he doesnt have any feelings.. and even he has a feeling,and me either.. there will be no sweet story..
what should i do know ?
Uncategorized | Comment (0)soulmate.com !
* apa artinya bila semua orang berlomba-lomba bilang mencintaimu,tidak bisa hidup tanpamu,ingin selalu berada di dekatmu,lantas.. berlomba-lomba meninggalkanmu ?
* kalau kau bertemu tuhan dalam tidurmu, tolong titip satu pertanyaanku,apakah dia membuatmu dari semacam zat candu? karna suaramu selalu membuatku rindu..
Uncategorized | Comment (0)speechless..
gw ga ngerti..
ada apa sebenerna ma gw?
ribuan kali gw bertanya2 dalam sepanjang sejarah hidup gw..
dan sampe detik ini,gw masi mempertanyakan yg sama..
"hidup itu cm satu kali,jangan di buat susah",kata2 yg suka di ucapkan oleh kindy ke gw.. but,well. lets look at my past.. im running and running in the same things.. am i such a stupid person?
*narik napas*
gw esmosi.. gw terlukaaa.. setengah badan gw rasana mati! emang enak sih.. emang bikin nagih.. otak gw bilang,"yah elah,ren.ga usa status kan?",logika gw blg,"yah gpp lah". tapi deep down inside,hati gw tuh ngejerit2 benerna..
di tengah masalah2 ga jelas ini.. di tengah smua perasaan gw yg uda bercampur aduk jadi satu.. gw harus nerima kenyataan.. bahwa smua itu hanya berdasar pada 5 huruf saja..
gw ga ngertii.. gw bingung.. gw bingung.. bingung.. bingung dan bingungg..
gw taw gw butuh someone buat ngejagain gw.. ngelindungin gw.. tapi,kenapaaaa.. di saat gw butuh itu smw,gw harus taw klo ada 5 huruf menanti.. kenapa sih gw ga bisa nutup mata,nutup hati,nutup perasaan gw.. dan membiarkannya smua berjalan begitu saja..?
gw ngerasa bersalah ama dia.. meskipun,kadang gw mikir,toh dia jg ga ngerasa bersalah.. atau.. entahlah..
huff.. sms2 dia hari ini apalagi pas maw tidur ini.. bikin gw tambah bingung.. i feel like im a headless chicken.. dunno where to go..
bram,kopenk,deka.. thanks for giving me ur hand.. so i can try to be strong..
and i cried..
*ps: koq jd berasa keq gw org yg kehilangan kehormatan gini sih nulis blogna? soblog. hahahaha..*
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